Substances Fill the Void and Numb the Too Full
If Only I Had…That Would Fill the Void
Sometimes there was a focus on a particular thing that if gotten would make things okay.
- A better bike
- Prettier hairdo
- Nice clothes
- Parents that were more like so-and-so
- Athletic abilities
- Better grades
- Faster cars
- Luxury homes
- Prestigious job
In some cases, a new bike was purchased and nothing happened to the insides; there was still an emptiness or void, and they still felt less than.
New clothes and a trip to a real beauty shop for the first day of school, yet even that did not help, as it seemed that others without these benefits looked as if they felt better about themselves than the addict did.
Filling the Void, the Crash Still Followed
Even without a painful childhood; having a home filled with love, doing well in school, enough athletic ability to play on the high school team, or cheer on their friends, these accomplishments still only touched the void for a moment, and then there was the letdown, once again. That feeling of being flawed inside; like an impostor playing at football and cheering. There did not seem to be a balance.
I believe that this description, while discussing food, has application for all of us with addictions, “There ARE people who won’t customarily eat an entire row of cookies, or hear food calling their name from other rooms, or who don’t grind up food in the garbage disposal for fear of eating it, or get it back out of the garbage so they could eat it. Of course, my binge eating was just a cover-up for the larger issue: Trying to fill the emptiness” ―SARK, Transformation Soup: Healing for the Splendidly Imperfect
Using Fills the Void or Helps Us Forget It
Are some of us trying to manufacture a feeling of completeness about ourselves by numbing the feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, or incompleteness with drugs and alcohol? There is a theory that the experience in the womb; perfect for the most part, set some of us up for this sense of loss, hardship, and dissatisfaction with life.
Then the reality of birth: pain, noise, and discomfort. Could some of us be trying to recreate that unequaled state of pre-birth bliss with drugs and alcohol, or medicate our pain and void with food or process addictions?
The Gaping Hole
He claims that some people who are facing a sense of emptiness try to resolve their painful feelings by becoming addicted to a drug or obsessive activity (be it compulsive sex, gambling or work) or engaging in “frenzied action” or violence.
If It Is a Quart Low, I’ll Take a Gallon
On the surface, this makes sense to an addict, if they are a quart low, use a gallon to correct the problem. More of something sounds like the right approach to the void. However, by using substances in the quantities that most of us did, we became addicted to them and in turn; they began to cause harm far exceeding the void we felt.
I Would Welcome a Void – I Am Too Full of Feelings
For others it is not about an empty place inside, it is a place that is too full. Someone that is too full of pain, guilt, shame, and anger and it overflows and emotions flood the individual’s system. Sometimes, these emotions are simply too much to handle.
Illusions about Others
- They do things better than I do – if so, learn from them
- They have more than I have – if so, ask them how to save or acquire things
- They make recovery look easy – if so, ask them for advice when you complicate things
We just don’t take the time to ask them if they are okay with themselves or are they struggling with things, too. Most of us are genuinely surprised when we do risk asking someone if they struggle, or are afraid. For the most part, struggling and feeling afraid happen to everyone; therefore, we can learn from anyone if we’ll only risk asking for advice.
Finding Value Within Yourself
Just as a beautiful pearl is the result of this irritation, we transform into a better person in our recovery, casting off the metaphorical irritant of addiction.
What starts out negative becomes valuable, prized and admired through this transformation.
We Have No Voids, and We Can Relieve the Too Full
How many meetings have you attended where people state, “And I’m okay with me, today.” When we can learn to be okay with our emotions and ourselves, we do not see the void as the bottomless pit that needs filling with anything, anyone, or everything and everyone.
We heal from our addiction and learn that we have ways to cope with any emotion, the passing notions of emptiness and too full. We do not have to use over them. We are simply okay today.
Writing, and recovery heals the heart