By: Marilyn L. Davis “I’ve come to believe that in everyone’s life, there’s one undeniable moment of change, a set of circumstances that suddenly alters everything.” Nicholas Sparks ___ ____ Words of Wisdom about Change Are some of you wondering how often I can write about change? Get tired of me prattling on […]
People in my recovery support meetings said I had to look at myself, when that was the last thing I wanted to do. I disliked what I saw in a mirror, let alone go within to discover that I was like the Picture of Dorian Gray, presenting favorably to the world, but full of self-serving, self-centered, unhealthy characteristics, and a perception of evil inside. It was difficult to face, that much like Dorian, I had sold my soul to my addiction.
“If we get our self-esteem from superficial places, from our popularity, appearance, business success, financial situation, health, any of these, we will be disappointed, because no one can guarantee that we’ll have them tomorrow.” ~Kathy Ireland
Families develop a blind eye about the elephant in the room, and pretend that something so obvious as the neglect, abuse, or dysfunction do not exist. Recovering from these issues is as important as recovering from addiction.
Those feelings and thoughts about our life were held down rather like a jack-in-the-box – hidden away only by the mechanism of the box, or in the case of our addiction, by our use.
Take away the drugs and alcohol, and the feelings come flooding back, seemingly without rhyme or reason. However, emotional memory stores all those old feelings. They are still there.
Last night in the group, this same young man, said, “I’ve been doing bare-bones and haven’t used. I’m finally feeling better, I’ve made a few changes, and I’m being responsible and accountable to my family and my work, and I’m ready to leave the shore, Ms. Marilyn. Where to next?”
One of the problems with holding onto resentments is they no longer serve their purpose, much like the worn out shoes.
By: Marilyn L. Davis Changing our Attitudes “Could we change our attitude, we should not only see life differently, but life itself would come to be different. Life would undergo a change of appearance because we had undergone a change of attitude.” ― Katherine Mansfield For some of us, the positive attitude and […]
Ambivalence or of two minds happens when a person has both positive and negative feelings about someone or something and is struggling with deciding which option has more merit.
You’ll know you are ambivalent if you think conflicting thoughts about something, or hear yourself talking about a subject and then qualify it with a “but….”, “however…..”, or “on the other hand I think or feel……”.
By: Marilyn L. Davis “If you have discovered a truth, tell it first to a parrot! Every new truth needs insistent repetition!” ~ Mehmet Murat ildan ____ ____ Don’t You Know the Slogan? ____ The other night there was a new man in our group. When I asked him why he chose to come […]
I know it’s hard to accept responsibility for our life choices. I spent years blaming my parents, bosses, husbands, lovers, and even my children for whatever was wrong. And when we’re not blaming, we’re trying to get everyone to focus only on our positive aspects.
How convenient and dishonest to say that all the harmful things I did to people were in my use. Then I could blame my behaviors, attitudes and actions on a substance, not the shadow aspects of myself or my character defects. Although my use distorted my thinking, behaviors, and attitudes, it was the shadow aspects or myself and my character defects that fueled my actions as much as my use.
An easy way to get acquainted with people in any recovery support meeting is to ask questions. You might be surprised at the answers. However, don’t just ask questions just to appear interested. Instead, use the suggestions and directions.
For many addicts and alcoholics coming to terms with the puzzle of addiction – knowing they need to change and doing the complete opposite is frustrating and scary. However, the good news is that the barriers and objections are within you and that means you have the ability to change them. It’s just a matter of isolating them, examining them and then changing what doesn’t work or fit anymore.
