By: Marilyn L. Davis Here It Comes Again: Anniversary Issues in Recovery ___ “I feel lost and confused, but happy and certain. I am like a ball of tangled yarn. The parts that are untangled are available, useable; the rest is a mess, useless until it is untied. That mess feels endless and at most times unyielding.” […]
Growing up with an alcoholic or addicted parent can add increased stress to children’s lives. They live in the shadows, never taking center stage; their parent’s addiction comes first.
I do not take lightly when the Universe demonstrates a lesson for me, and at that moment, I saw how tenacious that tulip sprout was. That longing, if you will, to grow, to fight for survival and thrive. To blossom and show itself in all its splendor and beauty.
Addiction forces us to wear a false image. We smile, when every fiber of our being is screaming in pain. We posture as friendly, when all we want to do is get our dope and leave. We pretend that we have it all together when we take our children to school or football. We show fake emotions because we are so embarrassed and frightened by our authentic ones.
How convenient and dishonest to say that all the harmful things I did to people were in my use. Then I could blame my behaviors, attitudes and actions on a substance, not the shadow aspects of myself or my character defects. Although my use distorted my thinking, behaviors, and attitudes, it was the shadow aspects or myself and my character defects that fueled my actions as much as my use.
That’s right, you can choose this as the lowest moment where you are no longer willing to sacrifice all to get and remain high. You can choose to make this the day that you stop disappointing yourself and others. You can decide that you won’t go any further down to satisfy your addiction. It is a time when you stand up for yourself, and make the decision to make life changes.
Guilt motivates some people to change; they feel bad about their behaviors and they want these feelings to stop, so they change.
Shame, however, often paralyzes people. Their distorted opinion of themselves leads them to believe that no one could forgive them for their actions; they think they are so worthless and undeserving of absolution that they often do not try to make amends.
Most of us give excuses when we do not want to do something, or someone questions us about why, when, or how we did or did not do something.
By: Marilyn L. Davis “Fear’s useless. Either something bad happens or it doesn’t: If it doesn’t, you’ve wasted time being afraid, and if it does, you’ve wasted time that you could have spent sharpening your weapons.” ― Sarah Rees Brennan, The Demon’s Lexicon Fearful Emotions are Predictable and also Spontaneous Emotions can be a […]
An easy way to get acquainted with people in any recovery support meeting is to ask questions.