“Don’t beat yourself up for not knowing the answers. You don’t always have to know who you are. You don’t have to have the big picture, or know where you’re heading. Sometimes, it’s enough just to know what you’re going to do next.” ― Sophie Kinsella, The Undomestic Goddess
The BIG Picture: Too Many Puzzle Pieces
One Piece at a Time
Start with the big picture: 100%, and then break that down into its separate pieces or issues and assign a percentage to that part of the bigger picture. For instance, “I am 100 % overwhelmed and confused about recovery”. Next, break that larger picture of 100% down to the components:
- 50%: All I have to do for treatment
- 30%: Guilt over past actions
- 10%: Scared about meeting new people
- 10%: Scared people won’t like me
Now you’ve identified 100% of the reasons for feeling overwhelmed and confused. You can then begin to assign tasks and actions that will change or modify the components and make your work manageable. With just this simple isolating exercise, you then concentrate on actions to manage each issue. Determining actions for now and later can help you plan concrete steps.
Create Concrete Plans for Now and Later
When you see that there are solutions for each part of what you’re feeling overwhelmed about usually calms you down, and helps strengthen your resolve to stay in recovery.
As you isolate the variables of the big picture into separate issues, or change your perspective on it, most people feel less confusion and fear. In addition, the confusion and fear are often replaced with other positive feelings and attitudes such as:
Just as you will feel differently by taking actions to correct an issue, other people, such as family, friends, and coworkers will also notice a more self-reliant, changed person. If they pay you a compliment about these changes, there is an appropriate comment for you to make, “Thank you.” Any rebuttal is in effect telling them that they are wrong to notice a positive change.
It’s like someone complimenting a job well done and responding, “It wasn’t anything special.” Yes, it is special; it is an indication of your commitment to making changes in your life and working hard on your recovery. It takes courage and hard work to change. Even if you judge the issues to be trivial or assume that other people figured out how to cope with something years ago, the fact is that only now are you beginning to deal with these issues.
I am always interested in how people apply one the healing lessons that I write about on FromAddict2Advocte. Let me know what puzzle pieces you are examining.
Writing, and recovery heals the heart