By: Saoirse Love
1.) ON MY RETURN
Through other lives lived
And reclaimed
I find myself again here
Where the mad roam
Locked up
Doped up
In worlds designed by
Pharmaceutical Giants
My dignity is robbed
And I am divested of all my passions
Like an animal caged
I roar and smash
But it is too late for anger
So again
I WEEP
I WEEP
2.) RACING
Brain storm
Brain racing
Know not to believe
Thoughts telling me
I can do anything
Been here too long now
Not to trust my addled mind
As it betrays me
Time and again
ANGER
HATRED
RAGE AND FURY
A demon
Loose in my soul
Always there
Waiting
To come back
3.) THE DARKNESS
Gathering all around
Enclosing me inside
Like a ruined walled castle garden
With no castle left to protect
Where am I?
What am I?
Are there others here?
No, I am alone
Nobody to come out and play
Mammy, mammy
Can Saoirse come out to play?
Where did they all go?
I see hundreds of faces
Flashing past
Turning into one
My own
I’m all that I’m here with
A child?
An adult?
Alone
In the darkness
Dark, dark days and nights
Becoming so small
I hardly recognize myself
A shell
A shriveled wreck
A half-person
4.) DYSPHORIA
RED
RED
RED
RED
Bursting through the calm
No moments to gather self
A full rush, the wave of
MANIA
An outpouring of VIOLENCE
RAGE
ABUSE
SHOUTING
AND WORSE
This one is the biggest curse
No signs
At the beginning
And once it starts
NOTHING
NOTHING
Can stop it
Until I burn out
And then floods of tears
But then it is always
TOO LATE
Bio: Saoirse Love
Saoirse Love is a disabled single mum with Bipolar 1, caring for a teenage child with Asperger’s Syndrome.
She has worked for many years as a craft worker, prop maker, puppeteer, and artist in Dublin, Ireland.
She is now writing poetry, short fiction, and memoir.
Saoirse is also published on Two Drops of Ink, for the Best 1000 Words for the Image Contest, discussing her experiences with a mental health condition.
Her post on From Addict 2 Advocate is Lies of An Addict
When we share the experiences that drive us, we connect with others who can’t label the feelings, the thoughts, or discern the lessons.
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Dear hannah
I am so touched that my poem has moved you, that is all a writer can hope for, that their words and experience will
resonate with one person. one tries to write coming from the personal and touching the universal, experience of
others. thank you so much for the compliment. on a more personal note, I truly hope with time you and your
daughter make peace. it is very hard on the family when a member suffers with their mental health, and can easily
tear all parties apart.. a tragic consequence is a big distance in the family. there are organisations, like AWARE that
work with the whole family and try to heal the huge wounds caused by our..awful/ but not deliberate behaviour
sometimes. I wish you much love luck and light.
This poem is so accurate. It made me weep for my daughter. And for how I did not know what to do. I had no
clue. That was years ago and now we talk sometimes on the phone. It is so difficult for the family. No one
really understands what is going on. This poem tells it beautifully. Thank you for sharing.
Dear hannah
I am so touched that my poem has moved you, that is all a writer can hope for, that their words and experience will
resonate with one person. one tries to write coming from the personal and touching the universal, experience of
others. thank you so much for the compliment. on a more personal note, I truly hope with time you and your
daughter make peace. it is very hard on the family when a member suffers with their mental health, and can easily
tear all parties apart.. a tragic consequence is a big distance in the family. there are organisations, like AWARE that
work with the whole family and try to heal the huge wounds caused by our..awful/ but not deliberate behaviour
sometimes. I wish you much love luck and light.