By: Saoirse Love

 

 

1.) ON MY RETURN

 

 

 

 

 

 

Through other lives lived

And reclaimed

I find myself again here

Where the mad roam

 

Locked up

Doped up

In worlds designed by

Pharmaceutical Giants

 

My dignity is robbed

And I am divested of all my passions

Like an animal caged

I roar and smash

 

But it is too late for anger

So again

I WEEP

I WEEP

 

 

2.) RACING

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Brain storm

Brain racing

Know not to believe

Thoughts telling me

I can do anything

 

Been here too long now

Not to trust my addled mind

As it betrays me

Time and again

 

ANGER

HATRED

RAGE AND FURY

 

A demon

Loose in my soul

Always there

Waiting

To come back

 

 

3.) THE DARKNESS

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gathering all around

Enclosing me inside

Like a ruined walled castle garden

With no castle left to protect

 

Where am I?

What am I?

Are there others here?

No, I am alone

Nobody to come out and play

 

Mammy, mammy

Can Saoirse come out to play?

 

Where did they all go?

I see hundreds of faces

Flashing past

Turning into one

My own

 

I’m all that I’m here with

A child?

An adult?

Alone

In the darkness

 

Dark, dark days and nights

Becoming so small

I hardly recognize myself

A shell

A shriveled wreck

A half-person

 

4.) DYSPHORIA

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

RED

RED

RED

RED

 

Bursting through the calm

No moments to gather self

A full rush, the wave of

MANIA

 

An outpouring of VIOLENCE

RAGE

ABUSE

SHOUTING

AND WORSE

 

This one is the biggest curse

No signs

At the beginning

And once it starts

NOTHING

NOTHING

Can stop it

 

Until I burn out

And then floods of tears

But then it is always

TOO LATE

 

Bio: Saoirse Love

 

Saoirse Love is a disabled single mum with Bipolar 1, caring for a teenage child with Asperger’s Syndrome. 

She has worked for many years as a craft worker, prop maker, puppeteer, and artist in Dublin, Ireland. 

She is now writing poetry, short fiction, and memoir.

Saoirse is also published on Two Drops of Ink, for the Best 1000 Words for the Image Contest, discussing her experiences with a mental health condition. 

Her post on From Addict 2 Advocate is Lies of An Addict

 

When we share the experiences that drive us, we connect with others who can’t label the feelings, the thoughts, or discern the lessons. 

When you’re ready to share you message, consider a guest post. 

 

Writing, and recovery heals the heart. 

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