By: Marilyn L. Davis
Changing our Attitudes
“Could we change our attitude, we should not only see life differently, but life itself would come to be different. Life would undergo a change of appearance because we had undergone a change of attitude.” ― Katherine Mansfield
For some of us, the positive attitude and level of commitment begin to lessen after withdrawal has subsided. The immediate consequences got our attention, but now we realize:
- Our families aren’t as upset with us.
- We aren’t going to jail.
- We’re starting to feel better physically.
We’re just relieved to be out of the vicious cycle of addiction:
- Where will I find drugs?
- How will I pay for them?
- Can I use and not get caught?
Unfortunately, this first relief, enthusiasm, and gratitude wane if we are not making other changes, see favorable outcomes, or find value in recovery.
There Goes the Gratitude
Instead of remaining grateful, though, we get angry that people suggest that we give up friends who still use, give us directions for changes, and expect us to be happy, joyous, and free. We stop listening to them.
Other times, we get complacent and think we’ve done enough. Some of us start resenting the people who are trying to help us, and again stop listening to their helpful suggestions.
We stop hearing their stories of hope and start filtering what they are saying as a lecture on how great they are and how we're less than them. Click To Tweet
Defining Attitude and Commitment
Any position, opinion, or thoughts are our attitudes about any subject. Our actions result from those attitudes.
We usually say that a person has a bad attitude or that people are afraid of commitment, but beyond these pat sayings, what are we talking about when we use these words?
So that we are clear, here are the definitions:
Attitude is the way, mood, feeling, or ideas about a person, object, or situation.
- In other words, what you think and feel about something or someone.
Commitment is a state of intellectual and emotional attachment to a particular action, practice, or person.
- When you commit to something, you are making a promise to do or not to do something. When you commit to someone, you pledge to them also.
Good Attitudes Are Not Always Grins and Giggles
Having a positive attitude towards your recovery will help you follow through on your commitment to recover. Some people think that having a positive attitude means that you have to like what is happening to you at all times.
The reality is that most people, who are successful in their recovery, would tell you that they were scared and distrustful when they first got into recovery. But rather than act on those feelings and leave, they decided to change their attitudes and cooperate to save their lives.
A positive attitude is as much about being optimistic and appreciating when others share what’s worked for them with you.
No one wants to see false grins and giggles, but a genuine interest in making your life better. Click To Tweet
How The Recovery Process Works
“Being grateful does not mean that everything is necessarily good. It just means that you can accept it as a gift.” ― Roy T. Bennett
When you have a positive attitude and commitment to recover, other aspects will help you carry out your goal of recovery:
Actions that Promote Change
When you entered the rooms or called treatment inquiring about help, your attitude and commitment were critical. You probably had a positive attitude—perhaps scared but willing to make an effort. You may even have stated that you would do “anything” to become and stay clean.
People will not ask you to do anything counterproductive to your recovery; however, they may ask you to do something you have never tried before. They might ask you to:
- Write about your past life
- Examine your old belief systems
- Identify your self-defeating behaviors
- Recognize your strengths, talents, and limitations
- Change aspects of yourself that cause you problems
Poor Attitudes about Directions Don’t Help Your Recovery
You may not like this advice. However, if you are going to change, you have to find those things that create barriers for you. You cannot expect your future to be different from your present if you do not review the past and make changes.
Why Would Anyone Give Faulty Directions or Suggestions?
You will need to look at your attitude and commitment when you get directions or suggestions from others about how to recover.
For example, repeatedly arguing about whether something has value before following through with the suggestion is arrogant and foolish. If you have never done anything, you have no reason for the argument. You do not know the outcome as you have never even tried the directions.
Would you please try what has worked for countless others before you decide whether something will work for you or whether something is “stupid” or wrong?
Providers of treatment, families, judges, sponsors, accountability partners, and others in recovery have reputations. Do you think that any of them wants the status as the ones that give “stupid suggestions” or directions?
How much sense would it make to provide inadequate explanations or directions?
Give Them Something to Work With
Yes, they will make some mistakes in giving directions, sometimes because you did not give them all the facts about the situation. In general, they will not provide instructions or suggestions that will make them look inadequate or directions that they do not think will help improve your life.
You may be genuinely surprised at the outcomes for you.
Attitude and Commitment: Ongoing Issues
“A positive attitude leads to a positive action, which then yields a positive result. That’s how the cycle always goes. Nothing seems to be too difficult for people blessed with positive mindsets.” ― Kevin J. Donaldson
Early recovery is not the only time an individual’s attitude and commitment become the focus; some people become complacent or unconcerned later in recovery.
If this happens to you, recommit to remaining chemically free and find that positive attitude again.
To have and enjoy long-term recovery, a positive attitude, along with an authentic commitment to recovery, and maintaining gratitude for your recovery, should give you better outcomes.
Writing and recovery heal the heart.
Marilyn L. Davis is the Editor-in-Chief at From Addict 2 Advocate and Two Drops of Ink. She is also the author of Finding North: A Journey from Addict to Advocate and Memories into Memoir: The Mindsets and Mechanics Workbook, available at Amazon, Books A Million, Indie Books, and Barnes and Noble.
Your Turn to Help Someone
How something is said is just as important as what is said. How you write about addiction and recovery can touch someone in ways my words can’t. So consider a guest post today and help someone who is struggling. Thanks.