It was at that point that I knew that change was a lifelong job; that it would create fears, uncover aspects of myself that generated and caused embarrassment, but that I would only benefit from my recovery if I went beyond not using to healing the underlying motives that produced negative outcomes in my life.
Our barriers are self-imposed for the most part. That’s both good and bad news. Good because it’s an attitude within us, and therefore, we can change it. However, that’s the downside, too as most of us don’t like to feel uncomfortable in our life choices
It is when we cannot see that changes are going to make our life better or that we will feel better because of the modification, we often balk, resist, or create obstacles to change. We give into fears, discuss how difficult it is to change, and create excuses so we don’t have to change.
“Abuse manipulates and twists a child’s natural sense of trust and love. Her innocent feelings are belittled or mocked, and she learns to ignore her feelings. She can’t afford to feel the full range of feelings in her body while she’s being abused—pain, outrage, hate, vengeance, confusion, arousal. So she short-circuits them and goes numb.”