It was at that point that I knew that change was a lifelong job; that it would create fears, uncover aspects of myself that generated and caused embarrassment, but that I would only benefit from my recovery if I went beyond not using to healing the underlying motives that produced negative outcomes in my life.
In one of my first lectures in treatment, I kept hearing about the spiritual principles that I needed to incorporate into my recovery. For the principles listing on the sign-up sheet, I falsely assumed that I’d go to a dimly lit room, with incense wafting and cloistered monks reading from musty, dusty tomes. I hoped that they would enlighten me and give me ancient wisdom on how to change.
Instead, I learned from recovering people like myself in recovery support meetings.
“Stress level: extreme. It’s like she was a jar with the lid screwed on too tight, and inside the jar were pickles, angry pickles, and they were fermenting, and about to explode.”
You can decide which side of the fence you will land on because sitting on the fence in the case of addiction vs. recovery is risky. Maybe it’s time to decide which side you want to be on – your addiction or your recovery– staying the same or overcoming your fear and changing?
It is when we cannot see that changes are going to make our life better or that we will feel better because of the modification, we often balk, resist, or create obstacles to change. We give into fears, discuss how difficult it is to change, and create excuses so we don’t have to change.