Recovery Isn’t a Monarchy: There are No Kings or Queens

By: Marilyn L. Davis


Are You Behaving Like a King or Queen in Early Recovery? 


“Little by little, the old world crumbled, and not once did the king imagine that some of the pieces might fall on him.” ― Jennifer DonnellyRevolution



from addict 2 advocate marilyn l davis


In our addiction, we think we are entitled to rule, govern, and control situations and others, even while our life is spiraling out of control from our use. Click To Tweet 


Many addicts and alcoholics create the false belief that the world revolves around them in their use. Now, you’re in early recovery and realize that others will control a lot of the choices in your life. There will be counselors, peers, family, sponsors, and friends who have opinions about how you need to govern your life now.  

For some of you, there will be agencies, either judicial for yourself or those who monitor your children. Probation, Parole, and Family and Children’s Service organizations will all have a say in what changes or modifications they need to see to make sure that you are staying in recovery. 

Before you get resentments or are dismissive of all these suggestions and directions, think about your attitudes and see if they might not be showing your entitlement. 


How Was the World When You Ruled It? 


Entitled people believe that they have the right to special consideration, privileges, or that they can simply do what they want without the reasonable consequences of their actions. They tried to rule their world in addiction how they thought kings and queens would, but without accountability. 

Yet if we look at our lives objectively, we see that when we ruled the world, things did not run smoothly. How many of us had: 

  • Strained relationships due to our use
  • Difficulty meeting necessary financial obligations
  • Manipulative behaviors and tried to rule the actions of others.
  • Family and friends that we stole from to facilitate our use
  • Unreliable, disrespectful, and dishonesty behaviors

If those descriptors of chaotic behaviors sound like your life in your use, then maybe it is time to let go of the reins of power. Step down from the throne and let others decide what is in your best interest. Click To Tweet


Entitled Attitudes Prevent You From Recovering


 Check to see if you falsely believe any of these statements. They’re a clue that you feel the right to dismiss suggestions and directions given by others about your progress in recovery.


from addict 2 advocate marilyn l davis king


Trusting in a Process


 Rarely does someone give incorrect directions to promote change. Why would they bother giving you inaccurate suggestions so you could come back and tell them they were wrong?

Treatment providers, sponsors/accountability partners, courts, and governing agencies, and other people in recovery give you directions to change and improve the circumstances of your life.  

  1. They may tell you what educators in recovery find helpful. 
  2. Often they will tell you about their life examples that correspond to your situation. 
  3. They may quote a reference from recovery-oriented workbooks. 
  4. They will give you assignments designed to help you become introspective and look at your shortcomings, strengths, or limitations.

You have nothing to lose by following the directions.   

In fact, you might find solutions for your substance abuse problem, as well as improving your relationships, money management skills, or learning to be accountable and responsible. 


Take a Vacation from Ruling


Even kings and queens take vacations. They let others rule in their place. 


Thinking of treatment or early recovery as a vacation might sound far-fetched, but it can be a relief to let others be in charge for a while and see what outcomes you get. 

from addict 2 advocate marilyn l davis king


Let someone else be the driver for a change. Sit back, enjoy the ride, and know that those trying to help you understand the road ahead – they’ve traveled it themselves. The answers and solutions they give you might help you when you do take back the reins of power in your life. 

When you relinquish your entitled attitudes and stop trying to rule the world, you'll learn from others, and when you do get back in control of your life, you can rule it better. Click To Tweet




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